Vaporous
by KookieMe
Summary: After nearly a century of love Esme is forced to confess her deepest secret and Carlisle is the one who has to pay for it. CC/HP. Slash. Might become dark.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter or Twilight series. I do own this plot.

AN: I'm trying to keep this within the actual time frames of each book's history.

-Start!-

"Esme, get your arse down here now before you hurt yourself!"

"No!"

"Esme!"

The ten-year-old girl stuck out her tongue at her parent's friend and personal tailor. She didn't want to come down! She liked being up in the trees!

"Esme, if you don't bloody well come down from there in 3 seconds I'm going to sew you a potato sack for Caroline's birthday party!"

Esme gasped and quickly launched herself out of the tree.

"Oi!"

Long arms quickly opened up to catch her, the body falling back and cushioning her fall.

"I'm out, I'm out!" she exclaimed to the dazed face.

Hands pushed her off with a groan of pain.

"Ugh, you're going to be too heavy soon for me to catch you."

Esme smiled and stood up, dusting her dirty dress.

"Then you'll just have to get stronger, Harry!"

The british born man sighed as green eyes closed in fond annoyance, "Yes, yes, now come, we need to get your fitting done."

"But we did that last month!"

"Yes, and you've gotten bigger since then…heavier too."

"Harry!"

—

Esme giggled as she twirled about in her new dress.

"It's wonderful, Harry!"

The man smiled at her as he continued to sew her a matching ribbon for her hair.

"Well, you're turning thirteen in a few days, I thought you might like something to show off…maybe even catch an eye or two, hm?"

Esme paused her twirling and puffed her cheeks.

"I don't want to catch an eye! Boys are weird!"

"Hey now, I was a boy once."

She rolled her eyes and glanced at him.

"But you're not a boy _anymore_. All boys are weird! They act like they're big stuff but they never really do anything! Did I tell you about the other day with Billy from the farm near Sally's? He said that he could climb a tree really high but as soon as he got up 5 branches he cried for his mommy!"

"Well, maybe he's afraid of heights."

Esme huffed and fully turned around to look at Harry, "Then why did he say he could climb a tree really high!"

Green eyes behind glasses sparkled in amusement, "Maybe it's because he knew _you_ like to climb trees really high."

Esme paused for a moment to think about it but then shrugged, "He shouldn't have lied just because I like climbing trees."

A warm chuckle answered her.

—

"I'm thinking of being a teacher."

Steady hands paused at her hem line.

"A teacher? Little trouble maker Esme, teaching? Surely not!" Harry teased. Esme huffed only slightly as she admired her new dress in the making.

"Think of how great of a teacher I would be! I can teach them and out climb them!"

"Yes, yes, very promising. Just don't think you can climb trees forever, you'll grow old eventually."

"Well then, you'll be there to catch me!"

"Oi, I'm not your eternal babysitter despite what you think!"

"But you still look young! You haven't aged a bit! I mean you're shorter now, well no, I'm taller now, but you really haven't changed otherwise!"

"It's genetics."

"Lucky! Even the townspeople notice how young you look still! Mother was joking with Mrs. Carter about how you'd still look young enough to marry me eventually!"

The british man snorted quietly and sent her a deadpan look, "Please don't tell me that's a hint. You're a bit too young for me."

Esme sniffed lightly, "Well it's not like I want a old man as a husband anyway!"

She yelped when a needle poked her.

—

"What do you mean you're leaving?" her voice trembled as she watched her best friend pack his things.

The man only sent her a brief look before continuing packing. She frowned and laid her hand on his luggage, preventing him from adding more.

Harry sighed, "Esme…"

"No! Why are you leaving Harry? Everything is good here! Your business is doing so well!"

Harry opened his arms and as much as she wanted to stand her ground, Esme quickly burrowed into the offered warmth.

"When I came to this country it was by accident. Now that I have enough money I have to go back to my home country."

Esme sniffled and gripped his shirt, "But why? Why not stay here?"

A hand settled on her head, "I have family Esme, people who need and miss me. A godson that needs me."

She sniffled again, "When are you leaving?"

"I'm taking the bus tomorrow to Philadelphia and then catching the train to Boston in a few days. I'm sure there will be transport to cross the pond there."

—

"Oh, make sure you write!"

"I will Mrs. Platt."

"And thank you for all the years of dressing our Esme."

"Thank you for being such lovely costumers."

"Oh you, we're friends!"

Esme watched sadly as her best friend and confident exchanged goodbyes with her parents. It wasn't fair. She knew that he had to go back but she wanted him close, she didn't want him to leave.

"Hey you."

She looked up to see Harry smiling sadly at her.

"Hey you," she replied weakly back.

"Now don't make a sad face. Where's the happy Esme that I know?"

Esme glared through watering eyes, "She's wallowing in self-pity right now."

Harry chuckled and gave her a deep hug.

"I left a present for you in my shop. It's unlocked so go look for it after this okay?"

She quietly nodded.

"You're 16 now, practically a young lady, I'm so proud to see you grow so beautifully."

Esme looked up at the warm smile.

"This isn't goodbye is it," she whispered, "I don't know what to do if this is goodbye."

"It's more of a 'see-you-later'."

—

3 days passed and Esme hummed thoughtfully as she played with her ribbon whilst she sat high up on the tree.

Harry should be on his train now.

She primped her ribbon again, it was the gift Harry left for her. It was the softest material she had ever touched yet she could feel that it wouldn't tear so easily despite how delicate it looked.

She had only felt this material before when hugging Harry, his vest always soothing on her cheek.

In fact, where had the vest been when he was leaving? She hadn't seen him pack it.

She thumbed the ribbon again as a thought built up in her mind.

He couldn't have possibly taken apart his vest to make her this ribbon? She had always complimented the fabric but to destroy his own vest?

"Esme, come down, you'd promised to watch Mrs. Reed's children tonight, remember?" her mother's voice woke her from her thoughts.

"Coming!" she called and started to scurry down the tree. When she got to an acceptable height she jumped out; Harry would catch her anyways.

Except Harry wasn't here anymore.

She cried out when she hit the ground, crippling pain shot up her leg.

"Esme!"

—

Esme hummed as she looked at the cast on her leg. No more climbing for a while the town's Dr. Carlisle Cullen had said.

What a interesting man, handsome too.

She tapped her fingers on her blank piece of paper.

He was really nice, cold though like many doctors, and he had even complemented her ribbon.

"I'll tell Harry about how even a doctor can like the ribbon!"

She was just starting her letter at the kitchen table when her mother and father walked in, whispering over a newspaper. She smiled at them and waved her arms in enthusiasm.

"Mother, Father, I'm writing a letter to Harry, do you know how long it will take for him to write to us so we can get his address? I want to send this as soon as possible!"

Her mother's chocked sob and father's silence made her look back up from her letter.

"Mother? Father? What's wrong?"

"Oh, Esme…"

Her mother sniffled and slowly walked to her. Her father behind her mother supporting her trembling frame.

"What. What's going on?"

Her mother bit her lip and handed her the morning newspaper. She gave them a cautious look and looked down.

She suddenly couldn't breath.

"No…"

THE FEDERAL EXPRESS PLUNGES, 14 DEAD

 _"_ That's Harry's train. That's _his_ train!" She threw the newspaper away from her, "He could have lived!"

"Esme…"

She shook her head and buried her face into her hands, "He said it wasn't goodbye! He said we'd see each other again!"

"We're so sorry honey."

Her heart broke.

-Tbc-

Any grammatical errors noticed are asked to be PMed. Even after re-reading, I tend to miss them.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter or Twilight series. I do own this plot.

-Start!-

Esme Cullen had a good life. Besides the dark spots during her first marriage she could say she was a fairly happy vampire.

She had wonderful children, half who were older than her, but she adored them all the same. She had a husband whom she loved and whom loved her back. Sure, they had to hide their existence but they had each other. She was happy.

So why?

Why did she have to separate from her family to look into the plant section?

Why did she have to smell something intoxicating?

Why did she have to look up and be mesmerized by a pair of black eyes that seemed to swallow her whole?

Even as the man dismissed her gaze and walked away, Esme stood frozen in a mixture of fear, desperation, and guiltily—elation.

She had been _so_ happy.

Why did she have to find her mate now?

—

Edward looked down as his phone vibrated—a text from Alice.

 _Esme looks odd. She's in the plant department._

Edward frowned as he navigated through the home department store at a human pace. What could possibly be wrong with his mother figure?

He saw her back before he heard her thoughts. She was facing a man who was walking away.

"Es—"

 _Why did she have to find her mate now?_

Edward's jaw snapped closed in shock but it was too late by then. Esme whirled around, her soft caramel curls whipping around a shocked and helpless face.

"Edward…"

"Esme, what…"

Her mind was turning chaotic quick. Images flashed by of the man that was walking away, of Carlisle smiling down at her, of their wedding, of her childhood, and green. So much green.

 _Harry…_

Edward couldn't follow it all but he could at least see that there was more to Esme than she had ever revealed.

He wanted to hug his mother figure but the word _mate_ rang deep in his mind. How could this be? That man was her mate? What about Carlisle? Who was Harry?

He took a deep human breath and looked her straight in the eyes, trying to show that he wasn't mad, yet.

"We need to talk."

She bit her lip and if she could cry he was sure the tears would be building now.

"Yes, we do," she said, trembling.

Edward pulled out his cell phone to send a mass text.

 _Home now. Family emergency._

—

As soon as they entered the house Edward was bombarded with concerned thoughts but that didn't stop him from reaching out to stop Carlisle when his sire went to curl his wife into his arms.

He looked at his long time companion and father figure and shook his head when curious bronze eyes met his.

 _Edward?_

"Esme has something to tell us."

The concerned thoughts increased and Edward could see Jasper glancing at him and Esme in deliberation. He could hear his brother trying to to discern Edward's wariness and Esme's guilt.

"Carlisle, please."

His sire finally stopped staring and nodded in acceptance, taking a step back. The family moved to the living room, situating themselves in a circle. Edward placed himself closest to Esme to give her support and to stop anything from happening if things were going to go as bad as he thought they were going to.

He turned to her when he heard her take a big human breath.

"I…" she glanced at Carlisle with a look of such agony and apology that Edward could see Carlisle restraining himself from joining her side.

"I found my mate."

Chaotic thoughts exploded as the room turned deathly silent.

—

Carlisle couldn't stop his mind running question after question. What did she mean? Esme was his mate. Why was she looking at him so sadly? Why did she think she had found another?

Carlisle glanced at his first son in question but Edward was staring intently at Esme.

He could feel his vampiric side attempting to crawl to the surface but centuries of patience and self control easily batted it back down.

"Esme—"

His wife jerked her head up as she cut off his sentence, "It wasn't suppose to be like this. I didn't think I'd ever find him. I _hoped_ to never find him. I was so _happy_ with you, Carlisle."

Was.

Carlisle stared frozen as his wife continue to ramble.

"I didn't mean to, but I fell in love and so did you and we were so happy. And then our family kept growing and even though I knew we weren't destined I still loved you and I hoped that it would stay that way forever, that I wouldn't find my real mate."

By now Jasper and Edward were focused solely on Esme, Alice was glancing nervously at him and Esme, and Emmett was trying to calm Rosalie who looked like her world was about to fall apart.

And yet Carlisle couldn't bring himself to take hold of the situation, to calm his coven's worries, because _his_ world was falling apart.

He took a shaky human breath, the action being most natural to him because of his long hours at the hospital.

"This doesn't make sense. You're my mate. I can _smell_ it."

Esme looked at him with sad eyes as she fiddled with her favorite ribbon that held some of her curls back. Carlisle never saw her go a day without one of her ribbons from her human-life on her. When he noticed her love for ribbons he had immediately set out to shower her with ribbons in a variety of forms but even when she wore them, she always had one of her human-life ones on her, even if they were just in her pocket or tied to her wrist.

"I had a hunch, well have now, about that. I wasn't sure before and I was always too scared to test it…"

Carlisle could see her slowly untying the ribbon.

"It was such a wonderful time, when we first started traveling. I remember after we got back from our honeymoon I still couldn't believe I wasn't dreaming. That I had married such an amazing man."

Her delicate hands paused in their work.

"And I was so unsure about how it all worked out. Edward had recently left us and I just had to know. I asked you what drew you to _me_. Why did you save _me_."

Carlisle nodded and spoke softly, "I said it was your smell."

Her face didn't change but her hands gripped the ribbon tightly.

"Yes, you said that I smelled like ink, like lilies, like something you can never put your finger on. You said you knew I was your mate because you could smell it. That you recognized the smell from when I was only 16…"

She pulled the ribbon from her hair and set it on the table in front of her.

"What do you smell now?"

Carlisle tilted his head. Surely she couldn't be thinking her smell changed just because she took off her ribbon? He opened his mouth to question her but the sad, determined golden stare stopped him.

"What do you smell, Carlisle?"

Numbly, Carlisle slowly stood up under the watchful eyes of his children. He walked a human pace to his wife and even before the first sniff he could see Edward's shocked face and knew that she would smell different.

Sap greeted him first. And then grass. And rain. And corn.

In a flash he was across the room, staring in horror at the person he had loved for so many years.

"How…"

He could hear Alice gasp at the confirmation and see Rosalie tighten her hold on Emmett, burying herself deeper in his protective embrace.

Esme opened her mouth multiple times but nothing came out. A part of Carlisle wanted to comfort his wife but a bigger part hissed at the betrayal. He could feel his vampire side clawing viciously now to get to the surface, to get to _Esme_.

"Who's Harry?" Carlisle watched as Esme's head whipped almost wildly towards Edward, her eyes flashing with memories and emotions.

Jasper's eyes actually widened as he spoke flatly, "Guilt, longing, _love_."

Carlisle didn't know how much more he could take.

"Is he your mate Esme," Carlisle found himself asking. He had to confirm. He had to just have this nightmare reach it's end.

She looked at him and shook her head and if she could cry he was sure she would be doing so now.

"No, _no…_ but he was yours."

And the shattered pieces of his world spun.

"A british man moved into town when I was nine. He was a tailor and my mother adored his work," Esme quickly began explaining. "He had only just arrived from Britain and didn't have much other money so he agreed to sew me new outfits in exchange for housing for a while. After a few months, he had enough costumers to open his own shop. He wanted to move out but my family and I insisted he stayed. He did on the condition that he would work for it and that's how he became partly my personal tailor."

She glanced at the ribbon and Carlisle growled in warning. He was starting to predict the story and if his assumption was right, he didn't want her near that ribbon. Something akin to anger flashed through her eyes at his warning. He narrowed his eyes, that may have been her possession for a century but if that was what he thought it was then she had no right to reclaim it in front of him.

Her eyes stared into his for a moment longer before she looked away, sadness once again cloaking her.

"He would dress me constantly in new clothing, even when my parents didn't put in an order. And even though they didn't like it when I got my clothes dirty, he never really minded."

She glanced at him to confirm one thing, "Harry never minded."

His vampire roared at the knowledge of his mate from the lips of his fake mate. The vampire part of Carlisle wanted to rip this woman apart. How dare she pretend to be his mate! How dare she utter the name of his mate with such familiarity and warmth! Pushing the fact that she not only kept his mate from him but had also been cared for by his mate! Vile thing!

His perceived human side pushed the vampire down as best he could but it was getting harder. He had always thought Esme was his mate and as much as he felt betrayed and even _hated_ what she had done, he would listen to her. He would hear about the mate he wasn't with. He would draw every single drop of information from her until she was bone dry.

He ignored Edward's and Jasper's concerned glances.

"We grew close," she glanced at him at his low growl, "not amounting to a courting as much as my parents wished it would. He always said I was too young for him," she said dryly.

"But you wanted him," Edward's voice cut through. Carlisle stiffened as his eyes narrowed further.

Esme looked at Edward and then met his gaze. A fire burned deep in her eyes, "He was my first love."

Red.

He lunged for her throat.

"Carlisle!"

Small hands gripped his arms but he ignored Alice as he held Esme down. Gold eyes stared at him in fear, resignation, and yet determination. He let out a snarl when he realized the determination was to face him with the filth she had just spewed.

"Carlisle, if you do it you'll regret it! Please! I can see it! You'll regret it forever!"

A wave of utter calmness flooded his system suddenly and he could feel two pairs of hands slowly pulling him back.

"She knows more Carlisle, let her talk," Emmett said as he and Rosalie placed him back in his chair across the table.

Alice quickly snatched the ribbon that had fallen to the floor during the episode and placed it on his lap. He fingered the material gently, the smell of his actual mate calming his nerves enough to continue the conversation.

He glance at Jasper who was still staring at him. "Enough, Jasper, I am calm. Thank you."

Jasper said nothing but the blanket of calm disappeared instantly. Without it his anger threatened to boil over once more but Carlisle used his well practiced control and wrestled it down now that his mate scent was there to help sooth him.

He stared demandingly towards Esme whose neck was stitching back together. Edward now sat a little in front of her but off to the side. Carlisle wasn't sure if it was because he still wanted to protect Esme or because he didn't want Carlisle to resort to killing.

A glance from his son told him it was the latter.

Esme touched her healed throat as she stared at him, "I am so sorry Carlisle. I told you, I never meant for this to happen."

Carlisle almost grunted but instead he stared determinedly into her eyes, caressing the ribbon, "Harry." His vampire purred at uttering his mate's name, surprising Carlisle slightly since it never did that when he had said Esme's name. Then again, she wasn't his actual mate.

"It wasn't hard to fall in love with him, he wasn't really so much of a gentlemen than as a human. He worked hard at everything he did. Listened to all my woes and stories with a grumble and patient ears. He always encouraged an adventure."

Carlisle ignored the growing warmth in her eyes as he sucked in all the information.

"After I asked you about why you choose me I also asked you why you'd had only stayed in town for a month when I was young. You said something was pulling you. You thought it was me. But if it was me why did you leave so shortly after? If I was really your mate you wouldn't have left."

Carlisle also questioned that.

"A few days before we met, Harry had packed his things to go back to Britain. He went east, and a little after, so did you. I had never gone a day without something of Harry's creations on me and by the time I suspected something was off I had learned that scents could be covered by another's. Your arrival and departure when I was 16 could have existed because of Harry, but I wasn't totally sure. It could have been a coincidence. I had hoped with all my heart it was."

"But it wasn't. It wasn't just a coincidence, I was there for my mate. And I left for my mate."

It made more sense as to why he didn't stay there to be with Esme when she was 16. Why he had felt the pull but even after meeting her, he had been unsettled and felt the pull east.

Everything was starting to make sense.

"You should have told me. Even if it was a coincidence, even if it was nothing, you should have told me!"

"I was scared! We had only recently been married and I had never loved anyone else in my life besides him! My life was turning into a train wreck after—" she seemed to chock on her words.

Carlisle could see Edward's eyes widening as he whipped his head towards her but Carlisle was already talking.

"After what? I would never wish your past marriage on you. Our marriage might have given you security but this is my _mate_ we are talking about! If you had told me and you were wrong, we could have gone on with our lives! If you were right then I could have had my mate as you've clearly found yours! He could have been here! I would have turned him! It's been almost a century now for my _human_ mate!"

Esme was dry sobbing now and Edward was suddenly looking at him with desperate eyes.

"Carlisle…"

But Carlisle wasn't finished, it's been so long since he lost control, "Don't you understand that because you kept your silence, because you pretended to be my mate, I can never be with him! I had a chance to find him, to turn him, to hold him! And you stole it from me!"

His vampire wailed at the loss of his mate. The creature in him pined for his mate but his human mind forced the information onto it. That opportunity had been lost.

"Carlisle…" Edward tried again but Carlisle had no control.

He had to say this. He had to inflict pain on the one who harmed him. The one who betrayed him.

"How can you sit there knowing—"

"Carlisle, he was already dead." Carlisle turned to Edward.

"What?"

Esme's sobbing increased.

"He died not long after he left. His train to Boston crashed," Edward reported with dismay.

Carlisle could feel his world growing numb.

"Is that true?" he whispered.

Esme wail of anguish was his answer.

"That's why she didn't say anything. Because if she was right then you would have lost a mate and she would have lost a bond in her new life. She had hoped that if she didn't think about it, if she kept her mouth shut and never found a mate, then that would mean that she was actually your mate. That she wouldn't have to leave you and you two could live happily. You wouldn't have to be alone."

"Oh, Carlisle…" Alice whispered.

But he couldn't do it anymore.

He suddenly couldn't be here, sitting in a room with his breaking family. He couldn't look at the woman he had loved and see her heartbreak. He couldn't think that in all of this she had hoped that he wouldn't be alone. He couldn't face the pity looks from his family.

He couldn't face knowing what he now knew.

"I need to be alone," he breathed out.

He disappeared to his office, locking the door in attempt to give himself some pseudo security—a wall to separate him from the world. He could hear Esme's sobbing, the children questioning her, and Edward answering, plucking the answers from her mind without shame.

Carlisle sat behind his desk and stared at the ribbon in his hand, caressing the unique fabric. He didn't think twice as he brought it up to his face, taking in the familiar scent of ink, lilies, and that special thing.

A dry sob slipped past his lips.

After he turned, Carlisle had started to learn what it meant to live a lonely life. But then he learned about mates and so he waited. He met Esme and mistaken her for his mate and what a happy mistake that had felt. But now the truth was staring him in the face…Esme found her mate and he was without his.

His mate had long gone.

-Tbc-

Any grammatical errors noticed are asked to be PMed. Even after re-reading, I tend to miss them.


End file.
